paranoid

this is all so weird.
not at all what i imagined or expected.
good or bad?
not decided.
more time and space is needed.
vulnerable?
yes.
scared?
yes.
open and honest?
yes and yes.

he has morphed to be someone so paranoid.
confusing but straight forward.
sometimes harsh and hurtful,
but that's because i'm open and vulnerable to be in that disposition.
i let my gaurd down and put it back up.
what a cycle.
what a confusing circle.
i'm dizzy from spinning.

he's untouched but not untouchable.
it's not enough to say that i miss you.
you can't help how you feel.
be real,
be true,
to not just me... to yourself.
this time around is not the same.